I didn't want to post this, but I think it's important for others to see. This week has brought a lot of uncertainty for Megan and I. I don't deal well with uncertainty because I have anxiety and depression issues. Through meditation and exercise, I've learned to cope pretty well with them, but sometimes they sneak up on me like ninjas. I'm the coach who wrote the Stress Management challenge, but that doesn't mean that every day or week is perfect. I had my first (of two) real anxiety attacks this week. If you think anxiety attacks aren't real, which I did for a while, try having one yourself. I thought I was having a stroke. I went to bed with a lot on my mind, then got up frightened. Half of my body was tingling, my vision was blurred and I couldn't focus on anything. In fact, I had Megan look up signs and symptoms of a stroke and she did some tests on me to determine that I wasn't having one. I was having an anxiety attack. In fact, I'm struggling with having one right now because just writing about this makes me anxious, but I know this post is important so I'll push forward. Yes, I'm having anxiety problems while sitting at my desk next to my health coaching co-workers. It seems ironic, doesn't it? Listen, it happens to more people than you'd think. In fact, I'd wager that most of the people you perceive to be extroverts in your social circle have anxiety or depression issues. So how does this relate to my weight gain and loss experiment? I've gained weight this week. About three pounds to be exact. Now, I'm a pure endomorph so I can realistically lose this weight again before my next weigh in, but it puts in perspective that not everything is about the number on the scale. There are going to be weeks in life where more important things will come up you'll have to deal with and the scale will take a back seat. The main thing is understanding what your particular obstacles are and working to get better at overcoming them. If emotional eating and binging are real for you, know that overcoming those things is probably best done by taking small steps. Through this experiment, I'm starting to remember eating tons and tons of food as an emotional teenager but I don't do that now. Even a week riddled with two anxiety attacks doesn't mean binging on a ton of food. I have gained a little weight this week as a result of not focusing on my eating and exercise habits, but my habits are much more controlled. This, like many big changes, took time for me. Through learning breathing exercises, taking walks, writing and asking myself questions about my future self, the chaos in my life is much more controlled. It's still chaos but it's controlled chaos.
I don't know who will read this and honestly I'm really nervous about my workmates reading it, but I think someone out there needs to see this today. Whoever you are, you're not alone and the healthiest and happiest version of you involves much bigger things than the scale. We all deserve to be the best versions of ourselves and unfortunately that takes more work for some of us. Start small, practice positive habits and give yourself a break on bad days.
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